doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
