Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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