she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
