I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
