when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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