dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
