hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
