Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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