At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
