and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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