Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
