So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
