Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
