What a fucking waste of an outfit
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
