so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
