she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
