Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
