Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you would pick up someone in the library
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
