let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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