just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
