you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
