Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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