Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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