This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
