I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You were trust falling into bushes
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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