please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
