I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
