I just threw up on my dentist
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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