Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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