Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
