you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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