drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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