I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
