Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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