So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I love having hate sex.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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