i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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