I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
