ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
