break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
His nipple licking is glorious
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