you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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