He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
