people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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