let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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