Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
