these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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