Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
