im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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