look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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