The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
