i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I want her autograph on my taint
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize