So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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