Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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