She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
