I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
