I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
