The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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