I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize