it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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