Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
