Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize