We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
