Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
