I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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