I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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