Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
