For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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