Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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