he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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