TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
