why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
