white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
