If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
