mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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