you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
