Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
